- I lost weight 22+ years ago when I stopped dieting
- The diet industry is seductive
- What you’re actually doing when you’re dieting
Stop dieting! Dieting leads to an unhealthy body and mind.
Why should I stop dieting?
A reader named “C” recently sent me this message:
Hi Kelly, I came across your website as I have been struggling with my weight and seeking help. Since first year uni, I underwent chronic dieting, lost 12kg and now I have gained 20 kg from my lowest point through binge eating. I am now clinically overweight and trying to settle within a naturally healthy range (which I was in before dieting) but I have lost touch with all my common sense eating. I’m afraid I’ll never lose the weight and dieting food rules are taking up too many of my thoughts. 🙁 Thanks for your help, C
This message captures why we should stop dieting.
It describes how dieting leads to:
- chronic dieting
- gaining more weight
- developing unhealthy habits, like binge eating
- losing touch with what healthy eating looks like
- feeling hopeless
- being preoccupied with diet rules
I started dieting in grade 9 (14 years old) and had a similar experience.
Eventually I did stop dieting.
And that’s when I lost weight.
Why did I stop dieting?
One sunny afternoon when I was near the end of teacher’s college, I was sitting in a park in central London, and an idea hit me like a ton of bricks.
Until that moment I’d only been looking forward. Each time I broke my diet I’d tell myself “tomorrow will be different.” That belief kept me feeling positive. It eased my anxiety.
But on that particular day I (finally!) felt frustrated.
This feeling prompted me to look back and realize that what I’d truly been doing over the past 10 years wasn’t dieting.
It was building bad habits.
For instance, each time I ate something I regretted, I’d say:
“I’ve already ruined my diet so I may as well keep eating. I’ll start a new diet tomorrow.”
But what I was actually doing was getting used to overeating.
We are what we repeatedly do.
– Will Durant, writer
Each time I broke my diet I may as well have said:
No one who wants to lose weight would say that!
But trying to stick to a diet leads to being on and off diets.
And being on and off diets gets you trapped in the vicious cycle of restricting what you eat and then eating too much… before going back on a diet.
Dieting is often associated with weight gain, due to the increased incidence of binge-eating— Alison E. Field, Doctor of SciencePairing language with action is a powerful way to make positive change.
That sunny afternoon in London was the first time I saw my actions for what they were.
It was the first time I saw my behavior in a new light.
This revelation helped me stop dieting and turn my attention to getting used to making healthier choices more often.
Feeling frustrated means you’re ready to stop dieting
What “C” is basically saying in her message (written at the start of this post) is that she’s ready to stop dieting.
She’s frustrated and wants to understand a healthy approach.
I love that she’s proactive!
She’s educating herself by opening up, reading and asking questions.
These are all important problem solving skills. The upside of any struggle is learning lessons you can apply to the rest of your life.
“C” has accepted that dieting doesn’t work. She just hasn’t put those feelings into words yet. The next step is for her to say:
“I’m ready to stop dieting.”
Now I’m asking you…
Are you ready to stop dieting?
Say it.
Sing it.
Scream it!
Write: “Stop dieting. It sets you up to fail.”
Put it on paper and post it on your fridge or bathroom mirror.
Why it can be difficult to stop dieting
The diet industry sells weight loss in a seductive way.
They make you think your world can change in a week!
But it’s important to let go of that myth and accept that if you want to reach and maintain a healthy weight, you need to stop dieting.
Ignore short term solutions and the desire for dramatic change.
Losing weight and keeping it off is about creating a lifestyle you love ❤️ and can continue long term by building healthy habits.
Or what I call, getting into the GOLD Standard Routine™.
But don’t worry!
You WILL notice wonderful changes when you stop dieting… just like my 1:1 client, Lavina.
Stop dieting & get used to making healthy choices
Once you’ve accepted that you need to stop dieting, you’re ready to try a new weight-loss approach.
Focus on getting used to making healthier eating and exercise choices more often.
This decision could mean overeating one less time per week. Or exercising one more or one less time per week (if you over-exercise).
Start where you are and improve what you normally do.
Learning how to break habits is a great place to start.
At first building healthy habits will feel foreign. Expect a strange feeling. Anything new feels funny at first! Like it might feel odd to eat a roughly balanced meal rather than restricting what you eat. (After eating diet food for years, I was shocked by how much food makes a healthy meal; one that helps you unlock your H 🙂 PPY weight. I was so used to eating as little as possible—or overeating. It was always one extreme or the other.) Soon your life will improve and you’ll enjoy your new normal.
THANK YOU to “C” who sent me the message shared in this post. xo
If you’re going through something, MANY other people are too.
Make Today Count: Stop dieting!
When you stop dieting, you’re ready to build healthy habits.
Don’t spend another day getting used to making unhealthy choices!
Don’t build unhealthy habits between diets!
What’s ONE healthy choice you can make TODAY?
Add an apple to your lunch? Use full-fat cream cheese instead of low-fat cream cheese? You’ll be surprised what a BIG difference small, positive choices make.
Build healthy eating and exercise habits. A healthy weight will follow.
Next Steps to stop dieting:
If you’re ready to stop dieting then you’re ready to make healthier choices. Please note I said “healthier”! Don’t try to make the healthiest choice. Begin by making one choice slightly healthier than yesterday. Then build from there. For instance, if you’ve been drinking skim milk for a while, you might want to drink 2% milk and then try drinking whole milk (3.25%). Here’s how to break unhealthy habits and build new habits that unlock your H 🙂 PPY weight… without dieting, of course!
Are you ready to stop dieting?
The goal of this post is to help you see weight loss in a new light and STOP DIETING!
Stop dieting. Start living.
Focus on your real goals: “I want to know the real thing about you.”
Like who you are when you’re not preoccupied by food, weight and hunger!
What part of dieting do you find most preoccupying?
These kinds of meals and snacks unlocked my HAPPY weight 21+ years ago (I lost 30 pounds without dieting!)
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These kinds of meals and snacks unlocked my HAPPY weight 21+ years ago (I lost 30 pounds without dieting!)
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Sharing what I learned makes the 10 years I STRUGGLED worth it
This is a great post. It indeed makes me see dieting for what it is. It’s just a disguised way of making you overeat/get into a dysfunctional relationship with food. The insidious thing about all these ‘diets’ is that they don’t warn of these highly likely to occur negative outcomes. And it becomes a vicious cycle, which ingrains those bad habits that spawn as a reaction, rather than good ones. There is no such thing as a good diet, only good habits. Your words of wisdom are so true. Your advice is helpful to anybody, whether extreme or not in their past experiences with food. 🙂
Love your comment. Thanks Catherine! Once you see dieting in a new light the key is to not be too hard on yourself. Choose a few unhealthy habits you want to improve on and try to do them one less time per week. Going slow makes the change lasting. Keep in mind, weeks go by quickly! So what might seem like a long time will pass in the blink of an eye. You’ll also feel great along the way; each positive step is rewarding.
Hi Kelly, Could you please share what youer personal reltionship with sweets/treats is like? I know you don’t obsess about this any more, but do you drink any beverages that have sugar/stevia/honey (all natural products)? Also, do you ever indulge in treats, and if so, is this random or planned? Thank you!
Hi Kathy!
I love this question.
The more sweets you eat the more sweets you crave.
So I only eat food with added sugar as treats (like a piece of cake at a dinner party). And I don’t eat artificial sugar like aspartame. (For years I drank a case of diet coke a day but I quit because I was worried since it’s full of chemicals). Now I see it’s just not good to get in the habit of always consuming something sweet.
For instance, I drink coffee and tea with whole milk but NO sugar, NO honey, NO stevia. Having these sweet tastes makes you want more sugar. Additionally anything you consume with sugar or artificial sugar completely puts your body into a fat-storage mode. (You get a sugar high = blood sugar spikes, so your body stores the excess sugar and then you get a sugar crash… which makes you crave more sugar.)
Last winter we did a health challenge for 30 days and not eating sugar earned points so I didn’t have anything sweet for a month and then I just didn’t want it any more. Instead I craved food that’s naturally sweet. Fruits and vegetables actually taste sweeter (in a nice way) when you get out of the habit of eating foods with added sugar.
Over the last 20 years I’ve been a healthy weight there were times (prior to the 30 day challenge) I would always have DARK chocolate after dinner. Just a few squares which is no big deal, especially if you’ve had 3 nutritious meals that day and healthy snacks (all ROUGHLY balanced and made MOSTLY of whole foods).
But again, since the 30 day challenge Alex and I did last year, I didn’t really crave even dark chocolate after dinner. I was out of the habit. The first few days of the challenge I did want the chocolate but then that urge went away.
I always try to remember that “good or bad, nothing lasts forever” so if you decide to cut back on sugar just ride out the difficult first few days of cutting back. Studies show sugar is more addictive than cocaine. If you eat a lot of food with added sugar you can actually have headaches, etc. as you come “off” sugar. So you might decide to gradually cut back or just go cold turkey. Up to you if you decide you don’t want to have sugar (which really has no nutritional value.) Sugar just makes people gain weight. When you go off sugar you find you have a lot MORE energy too.
So yes, I’ll have sugar as a treat occasionally in a social setting but after going off sugar I don’t really want it.
It’s all down to habit and what you get used to. I used to eat 2 donuts on a Saturday morning and diet coke all day as a teenager. Now neither appeal to me.
You’ll also get creative. Like instead of flavoured oatmeal I LOVE putting cinnamon in my oatmeal and sliced apples.
Let me know if you have any other questions or want me to clarify anything!
xoKelly
Thank you, Kelly!
Hi Kelly,
I was never big into dieting but developed a few bad habits that led to slow weight gain over the years. Three years ago I revamped my eating and moving along the same lines as you recommend (it was weird to find your blog and realize that someone else was doing what I was and explaining so well why it works for health and happiness). A side effect was that I slowly lost 20 lbs over a couple of years without focussing on weight. (I’m doing this challenge to strengthen the routines that already work for me and to pay attention to some others, e.g. sleep). All of this is a preamble to my actual question! How do you handle it when people you care about are trapped in a diet mentality and suffering because of it? It’s such a sensitive subject and people can be quite dug in to their food/exercise theories! So far I’ve just tried to be a good role model and I’ve also pointed people (who ask) to your blog and other resources. But I wish I could do more when I see them beating themselves up over eating this or that or signing up for gruelling exercise programs. Any suggestions?
Elaine, this is such a great question.
And thank you for what you said about my blog focusing on health and happiness. They really are tied together! Congratulations also for reaching your goals via focusing on health vs. weight.
People do get very stuck in their own ways, wear blinders, think weight-loss is about willpower and that they need to prove themselves, believe things won’t work for them, think their body is different to everyone else’s (I did because my friends ate so much and were thin and I ate hardly anything and ran miles and miles a day but was overweight… I didn’t realize I was confusing my metabolism and forcing it into survival mode.) And there’s so many more reasons talking about weight can be frustrating… along with, as you mentioned, weight’s such a sensitive topic.
I think there’s 2 approaches:
1 – Be a good role model
(as you mentioned you’re doing – that’s awesome and the most powerful)
2 – I think when people understand (Principle #1 on my blog is UNDERSTAND) why a certain behavior is working for or against their goals they’re more open to listen.
Like when you understand touching a hot stove burns, you’re not going to touch it. One of the biggest mistakes I see is people going to extremes which confuses their metabolism and makes it hard to lose weight.
I think if you can get one point across that makes them think “A-ha!” they’ll be more willing to listen to other things you have to say. Unfortunately “dieters” are so wrapped up in calorie counting they don’t think about what they’re doing to their body and don’t understand how our metabolisms work (going into survival mode, etc.)
So… that’s the information I’d suggest to share first (it’s the first Step in my book) because it lays a foundation.
Now to broach the topic!
It depends how old the person is (like a 12 year old daughter vs. friend would be very different).
I think it’s important for people to feel in control – like they’re choosing to share with you vs. having information forced out of them. And it can take several times before someone opens up. I’ve written a few blog posts about getting a young person to open up.
But rather than say “you’re not eating enough” I think it’s important to come at this topic by discussing the manifestation of their behavior. For instance: “Emily, you seem preoccupied lately and you’re usually so bubbly! I hope you know you can always talk to me about anything.” That way you aren’t suggesting that you’re analyzing their behaviour at the dinner table, etc. No one wants to feel under the microscope. Instead you’re pointing out what you love about the person and express worry because you love them.
For adults and or behavior that’s not so extreme (though disordered behavior is best to catch at an early stage) I think chiming in with what works for you when everyone’s swapping diet stories is natural. Then you just have to leave it up to people to be open to try something new.
No matter where people fall on the spectrum of disordered eating:
-Everyone needs to know what healthy eating and exercise looks like and how to turn their present choices into healthy habits.
-Everyone wants to each a healthy weight naturally and be able to maintain that healhty weight without being preoccupied by food, weight and hunger.
So the bottom line is:
Be a good role model, as you’re doing.
Share any issues you’ve had openly so they know you’ve stood in their shoes/haven’t always be the healthy weight you are now and “just don’t understand how they feel”.
When possible/natural share what’s worked for you.
Get them on board with an idea that turns on a lightbulb, like how metabolism works.
Hope they come around.
I’ve learned over the years whether it’s serious or mild, you can only help people who want to help themselves.
Elaine I really hope the people you’re worried about are ok and if I can share any other information please let me know.
xoKelly
PS If someone has disordered eating and are open to help this is an important blog post, along with asking for professional help.
*As always, please note I’m not a doctor! Just sharing what’s worked for me after a decade of disordered eating and then being healthy for the last 20 years.
My question is about motivation. I read books and blogs like yours and believe the message for a while. I’ve been reading about “tiny habits” lately. Then I try it out (try not dieting, or not complaining, or try to add some other new tiny habit) and it goes okay for a few days or weeks, but inevitably my old thought patterns and habits take over and it seems like I’m back to square one. I have a really hard time keeping the momentum going. I guess I know what I really need, and that’s some kind of outside accountability, but I’m just not willing to ask for help. So my question is how do you find internal accountability and keep the momentum going, rather than taking 1 step forward and 2 back? It seems like I need to change my mindset and think more positively, but I just don’t know how to change how I think—at least not long term change! Does this make any sense?
Excellent question Madeline and I completely understand where you’re coming from. Makes total sense.
Click here for my answer.
xoKelly
Hi Kelly, One of my goals is to reduce my sugar intake. So your views on treats/sugar have changed since you wrote your book? My take-away from that was everything in moderation, and making small changes, like your post “Yule Log -Eating Dessert Helps You Lose Weight”. So you must not have eaten any of the Yule Log you made? OK, I’m just suprised, because I remember reading about your dark chocolate occassional indulgence. I can see how someone who’s been eating mostly unprocessed, whole foods and has freedom in her body, size, etc. for over 20 years, the natural progression would be to feel even better, i.e. by eliminating sugar. It doesn’t sound like it was a huge shift for you at that point. If you weren’t eating that much sugar anyway, did you notice a big difference in your health when you stopped totally? Does that mean you don’t used any processsed foods that contain a speck of sugar in your meals at home? I have read books about sugar addiction, etc, and at one point gave away about 10 grocery bags of food that had sugar. I could never maintain this exteme change, and ended up buying back many of the products I gave away. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and the all the success you’ve experienced. It’s good to know someone who lives sugar free and is doing great with it!
Hi Kathy,
Thanks for your question. My view on sugar is the same now as the info I share in my book:
MODERATION is key!
I’ve just been eating less sugar (since I did a no-sugar challenge) so I crave it less. My clothes still fit the way they did when I ate more sugar, and my energy is the same. But I didn’t really eat that much more sugar.
Above you were asking if I ate any of the Yule Log and dark chocolate. In my earlier answer I wrote:
“So I only eat food with added sugar as treats (like a piece of cake at a dinner party).”
It could also be dark chocolate (or regular chocolate) after dinner at home with Alex or by myself.
But my take on sugar is it’s a treat, not a meal or snack choice.
I hope that’s more clear? If I say I don’t ever eat sugar somewhere on my blog please let me know. Thanks!
I probably ate that Yule Log 4 times over Christmas i.e. 4 pieces at different dinner parties. (I had to bake so many Yule Logs for that post because each time I got to the next stage it got too dark to take a decent photo (!) I know the recipe by heart now.) If it wasn’t the Yule Log I’d have eaten a different dessert in its place at those dinner parties (though I like that recipe the best!) But I’m definitely all about MODERATION.
And I don’t believe in black-listing any food or treats.
My focus is always to build healthy habits so you get used to eating healthy food and when you’re hungry you want to reach for a healthy snack that will fuel you with nutrition to keep you going (rather than a treat that will give you a sugar rush and crash and then make you crave more sugar).
I do also enjoy a sweet treat once in a while… not to eat because I’m hungry but because I’ve eaten healthy food and the treat is for dessert after a healthy meal – usually dinner (vs. breakfast or lunch).
I think it’s really important NOT to have black and white/all or nothing “rules”. We always want what we can’t have!
Just focus on building healthy habits. And the more healthy food you eat the more you crave healthy food!
Hope that helps. Let me know if I’ve misunderstood something.
Thanks!
xoKelly
PS Please keep in mind though – and I’m trying to say it more often so you may have heard me say this already – I’m someone who drank 24 cans of diet pop a day (diet pop is so much sweeter than regular pop!), thought a donut looked delicious and wanted to eat a tray of muffins… when I wasn’t in a healthy eating and exercise routine. At the same time I thought I shouldn’t eat more than half a banana if I were to eat it as a snack!! Once I stopped abusing exercise (like over-exercising without realizing it and using exercise to purge) nourished my body with healthy food regularly (breakfast, lunch & dinner + snacks when hungry) and got in the habit of eating healthy food I no longer thought about food all the time, I lost weight and now I crave healthy food. So no matter what your eating is like you can change your “normal” and get used to and better, PREFER healthier choices. xo
PPS These days I’ll eat a full banana, almonds and a latte as a snack. And I’ve been feeling great (and not guilty!) This healthy approach has allowed me to reach and maintained a healthy weight for the last 20 years. xo
Hi Kelly, Yes, thank you so much for clarifying. I misunderstood your previous answer. I didn’t realize you made the cake for dinner parties– that makes perfect sense. I appreciate your taking the time to answer my question more fully! Really, really appreciate it, and undestand your point of view on this much better!
My question is how to stop grazing/snacking after dinner? Not talking about snacking on snack food, just in general even after you ate healthy meals and are still hungry or feel a craving to graze/snack?
Hey Sara!
There’s 2 factors that could contribute to your desire to snack/graze even after a healthy dinner:
1. The TYPE of food and how much you eat:
The way I eat is to have a ROUGHLY balanced meal made MOSTLY of whole foods and to eat until I’m FULL. That’s why I don’t worry about portions. I ONLY think about proportions. Like is there enough healthy/natural fat in my meal? Ok… I need to add full-fat sour cream to my potato. When I eat balanced meals made of natural food until I’m full, I have 0 desire to eat other stuff because I feel satisfied.
For years I was SCARED to eat until I felt full! I wondered how much more weight I’d GAIN if I ate until I felt full. Then I realized that the reason I was overweight was because not eating enough (along with over-eating when I got sooo hungry) confused my metabolism and put it into starvation mode. Then it was easy to GAIN weight. When I ate more natural food and higher fat natural food, and stopped bingeing, my metabolism bounced back and I lost weight.
2. Is snacking a habit?
If you’re snacking NOT because you’re hungry but because it’s a habit then you can break this habit. The key is to do it slowly. Try to snack one less time per week. You’ll soon build momentum and stop.
Also what are you doing while you snack? Some people snack when they watch tv and that joint activity becomes a habit. Or they snack at night when they’re bored. So you can try to break the snacking while watching TV habit by introducing a healthy habit to replace unhealthy habits. For instance, maybe you make a delicious turmeric tea to drink while watching TV. (Just saying turmeric as an example!) Or you could walk after dinner (even just for 10 minutes) to boost your metabolism and/or experiment with other fun activities that help you unwind at night that are engaging. Those are just examples—you can come up with stuff you LOVE to do to.
Here’s a post that helps you break habits effortlessly so it’s no big chore and the change feels natural so it lasts.
Let me know your thoughts on #1 & #2 above!
xoKelly
Do you have any specific blogs or resources that give multiple samples of healthy breakfasts, lunches, and suppers and also address healthy portion sizes?
I have seen and used some of your lunch ideas and bought the ingredients for the healthy muffins. Can’t wait!
Connie!
This is such a great question.
One thing that really helped me was modelling after (copying!) what my partner Alex ate. Just mirroring his healthy choices stopped me from getting lost in the details and focusing on eating 3 healthy meals + healthy snacks each day without being so restrictive. Like if we got home from a night out and were hungry he’d make an omelet. I thought that was crazy (!) But I followed his lead and realized later I was building healthy habits. You should eat when you’re hungry and it should be a variety of natural food. An omelet full of veggies and cheese was an excellent snack after a night out—especially as we probably just had brunch the next day since it was a lazy weekend and our alarms weren’t set for 6 am the following morning.
Now I realize that before I met Alex, if I was hungry I’d eat a tiny piece of something, then a tiny piece of something else, then a bit more, then feel guilty, then think I ruined EVERYTHING & finally decide to restart my diet the next day…
It’s much healthier to plan a substantial snack (like Alex did) and put it on your plate (before you start eating), eat & enjoy it… and then move on to the next activity.
So I think you’re AWESOME to want some healthy guidelines Connie.
Guidelines certainly helped me.
Meal Plan for Moderating Extremes:
When my eating was completely disordered and I was either starving or bingeing (no in-between) because I was so mixed up about what I could or couldn’t eat, this meal plan helped me get into a routine.
Lunches:
You’ve already seen these Connie, but I’ll link to them here for reference.
Snacks:
Here’s some healthy snacks I’ve been eating for the last 20 years while I’ve maintained a healthy weight.
Breakfasts, dinners & more examples:
I’ve got something in the works for this Connie and will follow up with you as soon as it’s ready!
But in the meantime, here’s an easy meal I love and an extra can of beans can make it stretch over a few nights.
There’s also some easy dinner examples in my book on page 65.
Re: Portions
This will sound strange if you have the restriction mindset we all get from dieting, but as long as your meals are ROUGHLY balanced and made MOSTLY of whole foods (and that includes high-fat foods like avocados, salmon, full-fat dairy, whole eggs, etc.) my personal philosophy (that’s worked for me) is to fill your plate proportionally to the Eatwell Guide (example of the Eatwell Guide found here) and eat until you’re full. If you need a second helping, add food to your plate again in the correct proportions again and eat. Stop when you’re full. Focus on getting balanced proportions rather than portions. 🙂
Eating with other people helps you slow down because you’re talking between bites which gives you a chance for your food to “hit your stomach”! Then you won’t get ahead of yourself.
Eating healthy snacks between meals when you’re hungry also helps you eat healthy proportions at breakfast, lunch and dinner. You should be hungry before meals but not so hungry that you eat quickly and don’t have time to enjoy it.
Feeling panic-y-hungry before a meal (how I felt for the 10 years I was dieting) always led to overeating.
Thanks for your excellent questions Connie!
Let me know if I can clarify anything.
xoKelly